How to Improve Self Esteem & Self Confidence
We all have moments where we doubt ourselves. Maybe it’s a quiet voice that whispers negative thoughts like “you’re not good enough,” or a sudden wave of nerves before a big moment in your day. These feelings are usually linked to two powerful inner forces - self esteem and self confidence - and we’ll be taking a closer look at both today.
We’ll start out by explaining the difference between these two qualities, before moving on to look at a number of activities and techniques you can use to improve your self esteem and self confidence, and exploring how I can help. Over the years, I’ve supported many people on this journey in my role as a confidence coach, and now I want to share what I’ve learnt during that time with you via this blog.
Self Esteem vs Self Confidence – What’s the Difference?
Understanding the difference between self esteem and self confidence is a vital early step on this journey. Without that understanding, it can be tough to know whether you need to improve your self esteem or improve self confidence. Likewise if you’ve already started working on things, it can be hard to know if what you’re doing is targeting your self esteem or your self confidence - and hence if you’re doing something appropriate to your needs. A good knowledge of the difference between the two can really have a profound effect on your approach - so let’s start by defining both qualities.
What is Self Esteem?
Self esteem is your inner sense of worth. It’s how you feel about who you are. When your self esteem is strong, you believe you’re deserving of love, success, and happiness - even on the tough days.
What is Self Confidence?
Self confidence, on the other hand, is your belief in your ability to do something. It’s the “I can do this” voice that helps you take action.
While they often go hand in hand, as you can see from the different definitions, they’re not one and the same. You can appear confident in a skill (like public speaking) yet feel unworthy deep down. Or, perhaps the opposite might be true - you might value yourself as a person, but still freeze at the idea of something like stepping out on stage before an audience.
Identifying Low Self Esteem or Self Confidence
When we’re caught up in our own thoughts or in the hustle and bustle of daily life, it can be tricky to notice what's going on as regards our self esteem or self confidence. However, there are some telltale signs in everyday life that can give away a lack of self esteem or self confidence - so it can help to keep an eye on your own behaviour and feelings, and see if you notice any of the following:
Common signs of low self esteem include:
You regularly doubt your own value
You feel like you're “not enough” for others
You find it hard to receive compliments or kindness
Common signs of low self confidence include:
You say no to new opportunities, even ones you want
You worry about looking foolish or failing
You often compare yourself to others and come up short
So, every now and then, it can be useful to check in with yourself and ask “Do I struggle with one or both of these?” If the answer is yes, I recommend following up with “Which one feels like it holds me back the most right now?” This kind of reflection is the first step toward identifying whether there’s anything to be worked on or not, and checking for a problem is itself a key part of how we improve self esteem and self confidence over time.
What Can Cause Low Self Esteem or Confidence?
There are many reasons why we might struggle with how we see ourselves. None of them means there’s something “wrong” with you. They simply mean you're human—and you’ve been shaped by your experiences.
Some common roots include:
Critical environments growing up: if you were often judged or shamed in your younger years, you might have internalised those voices.
Trauma or life setbacks: big life events can shake your trust in yourself.
Chronic stress or mental health challenges: when you’re always in survival mode, it can be hard to also feel ‘grounded’ or ‘capable’.
Social media and constant comparison: it’s easy to believe that other people have everything held together easily, especially when we only see their highlights.
These experiences (good or bad) all help to shape your inner narrative. But if the experiences have been negative, the good news is that the story isn’t set in stone.
Practical Steps to Help Improve your Self Esteem
Improving self esteem does take time, effort, and careful consideration of a number of things within your life, but it is possible. Some gentle but powerful practises that can help you get started include the following:
Build self-awareness: Notice your inner voice. Activities like journaling, breathwork, or even just sitting in stillness for five minutes a day can help you tune in to it - and once you do, you can heed what it has to say. If nothing presents itself, it can help to ask your inner voice a question, and then listen. You will get an answer from your essential self.
Challenge negative self-talk: When that inner critic pipes up instead, ask yourself, “What’s the evidence (for and against) what they’re saying?” and remember that just because it’s your brain saying it, that doesn’t automatically mean it’s right.
Track small wins: Create a “success list” each day of things you’ve achieved or that you’re proud of, no matter how small they might feel. A win is a win, and over time, recording them rebuilds your sense of accomplishment.
Set boundaries, and stick to them: Saying “no” is a form of self-respect. It’s great to be selfless and put others first, but sometimes you’re the one who needs to be shown some love. If you don’t do that yourself, there is no guarantee that someone else will. Boundaries help you honour your needs and make time for self-care, but only if they’re adhered to.
Choose your uplifting company: Surround yourself with people who remind you of your worth and celebrate your growth. If you’re constantly in the company of people who put you down or make you feel less-than, you can start to feel that way about yourself too.
Practical Habits to Improve Self Confidence
While self esteem is about who you are, self confidence grows by doing. Think of it like a muscle - the more you work it, the stronger it gets. That then begs the question though - what does a workout for your self confidence look like? It can vary from person to person depending on why their self confidence isn’t as strong as it might be, but below you’ll find some confidence-boosting habits I often share with people to get them started:
Try something new regularly
It doesn’t have to be something big either. To begin with, why not try taking a different route home, making a new recipe (or putting a new spin on one you already know), not ordering ‘the usual’, or if you do, ordering it somewhere new.
Use power poses
Power poses give you strong, powerful, authoritative body language, showing a more assertive, confident you to the outside world. Show this side often enough and people are more likely to treat you like that more powerful, confident you, and you may well start to feel like them on the inside too.
Use visualisation
Visualisation is the practice of picturing something happening in your head before you actually do it - for instance, visualising the amazing golf shot that you need to hit going just as planned before you step up and address the ball. Visualise it, and you’re a step closer to taking away your own fear and making it happen. Why? Because it’s no longer ‘new’, it’s no longer ‘the unknown’, nor ‘impossible’, because (even if only in your own mind) you’ve seen it all before.
Challenge your barriers
Each time you challenge the things that hold your self confidence back, you make those barriers weaker and make yourself stronger. It’s also important to recognise that it’s the effort that counts here. You don’t need to smash through every barrier the first time, some will be more stubborn than others, but every time you challenge one, you get a step closer to overcoming it.
Upskill in your problem areas
You can improve self confidence by learning about the things you’re less confident about. Knowledge and preparation reduce fear of a certain situation or topic area by reducing the unknowns that surround it, and thereby giving your inner critic less scope for negative assumption or speculation.
Celebrate progress
Every tiny step forwards counts, and you don’t need to be perfect to be proud. Like we said earlier, ‘a win is a win’, and it should be celebrated accordingly.
These actions build proof for your brain that you can handle challenges - which naturally helps you improve self confidence over time.
How a Confidence Coach Like Me Can Help
Having got so far into this blog, and after reading about a number of different activities and techniques to improve self esteem and self confidence, you might now be wondering, “Is this something I have to do by myself?”
The answer is no - you absolutely don’t need to go it alone. Working with a confidence coach like me is an option, and it can even be ‘the final piece of the puzzle’ for people that have tried to work on their self esteem or self confidence in the past, but not really felt like they’ve succeeded.
What does a Confidence Coach do?
A confidence coach is someone who supports you in building both your self esteem and self confidence in a structured, personal way. Here are some of the things that we can provide that might not be there if you’re trying to improve self confidence on your own:
Accountability: You have someone in your corner helping you stay on track with your goals.
Tailored strategies: I help you explore mindset tools, techniques, and exercises that work for you—not that just sound good online.
A safe, non-judgemental space: Sometimes you just need someone to listen, challenge your thinking gently, and believe in you until you believe in yourself.
What Does Coaching With Me Look Like?
I support clients 1:1, offering coaching sessions that are warm, empowering, and totally focused on you. You don’t have to “be ready” or have it all figured out before we begin. That’s what coaching is for - to meet you where you are and help you move gently forward.
I can offer both structured coaching programmes and more flexible, bespoke support depending on what you need. During our sessions we’ll work together to help you:
Tackle things that can be problematic for self esteem and self confidence - feelings of overwhelm, a lack of boundaries (or lack of respect for them) etc.
Uncover ‘the real you’, including the things in life that you truly enjoy.
Help you chart a course to becoming the version of yourself that you really want to be.
If you’re ready to explore what a more confident or self-content you could look like, I’d love to hear from you, so why not reach out and book a discovery call here? Coaching isn’t your only option though, you might also find useful advice and support in one of my books, at one of my public speaking engagements, or even in another blog post on this very site - click here to access the archive focusing on my adventures, or here for more content with more of a self-help focus.
Thank you for being here, for reading, and for caring about yourself enough to take this step.